Nigel Farage, the self-proclaimed savior of Britain and part-time bookmaker of outrageous bets, has once again rediscovered Albania on the map. This time, he claims he’s actually accepting Prime Minister Edi Rama’s invitation to visit Tirana—though not without one of his usual circus tricks.
Speaking to his followers in Birmingham, Farage announced that he might charter a “very large plane” and personally escort a load of Albanian prisoners back to their homeland. One can only imagine the budget airline email subject line: “London–Tirana, One Way, No Returns (Except the Passengers).”
According to Farage, he is defending Britain’s women, streets, and—why not—its entire national identity from this great Balkan menace. His plan? To stop small boats, deport everyone he considers “illegal,” and restore Britain to his nostalgic fantasy of the 1950s, when the only foreigners in sight were the waiters at the local curry house.
He even doubled down on his favorite statistic: that one in 48 Albanians in Britain is in prison. Prime Minister Rama, less impressed with Farage’s math skills than with his appetite, replied months ago that the numbers don’t add up. (Apparently, census data is trickier than pub trivia night.) The real ratio is closer to one in a hundred. But why let facts ruin a good rant?
And yet, Farage insists: if his party wins power, he’ll stop the boats within two weeks. Because, of course, what Britain really needs in 2025 is not solutions, but a strong dose of Faragian stand-up comedy disguised as policy.
So, soon enough, Tirana may have the pleasure of welcoming Farage for lunch. One wonders if he’ll bring his calculator this time—or just his oversized carry-on labeled “Populism, Fragile: Handle with Care.”